Self-compassion is one of those things that most of us tend to keep moving to the bottom of our list of things to do. It is easy to put it aside and view it as frivolous or “a luxury if I have time.” If there is one thing this pandemic has shown us, it is how important self-compassion is in both our personal and work lives so we can grow and become better people and leaders.

I recently spent time learning about self-compassion from the best in the game, Dr. Kristin Neff. During the two-day training, Dr. Neff and her team offered up expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and achieve your highest potential by moving toward self-compassion. I wanted to share more about a personal breakthrough I had around this concept as well as highlight the power of practicing self-compassion in our personal and professional lives.

THE LANGUAGE OF LEADERSHIP

As I’ve shared before, at the beginning of the pandemic I struggled. However, since I knew so many people had it worse than me, I made it my mission to lean into how lucky I was. That meant amping up my gratitude practice, doing my daily five-minute journal prompts, and doubling down on my Headspace app to stay Zen. 

While these helped, what was buried beneath this was a lot of unexpressed sorrow. I was so hyperfocused on avoiding comparative suffering that I didn’t let myself really feel what a challenging time it was. “I can’t complain about what the pandemic has done to my business when so many people have it worse than me,” I told myself.

THE WEEKLY FLOURISH

As you might know, I’m a major foodie, so listening to podcasts in the early days of the pandemic from chefs who had put their heart and soul into their restaurant concepts only to have to suddenly shut them down really tugged on my heart strings. That must have been so incredibly hard for them, I thought to myself. While I hadn’t been able to give myself permission to grieve my own experience - suddenly by connecting with their experience I was able to realize how much I was actually longing for what was. How angry I felt. How disappointed I was. 

By connecting with others' struggles, it allowed me to experience a new awareness around my own grief in a more accepting and non-judgemental way. What’s more, while things weren’t suddenly fixed, I was able to look at my icons and how they pivoted during the pandemic and now I feel more hope and optimism around the future. 

This weekend, as I listened to Dr. Neff explain the three main elements of self-compassion, I couldn’t help but think of what it means for all of us to honor our humanness right now. To share the highs and lows and lean into truth, acceptance, understanding and love inward. 

Here are a few tips to help you practice self-compassion that I hope you’ll consider as you tap into your own experiences and feelings around where you’ve been and where you’re headed:

One: Practice Self-kindness vs. Self-Judgement 

Rather than ignoring our pain, we recognize suffering is inevitable and accept it with sympathy and kindness 

Two: Embrace Common humanity vs. Isolation

Moving from feeling like you are the only person experiencing something to recognizing a shared human experience.

Three: Mindfulness Vs. Over Identification 

Practicing observing thoughts with openness and acknowledging there is a struggle can help give clarity. This is when real breakthroughs happen.

GREATNESS TAKES GUIDANCE

Self-compassion is not easy. It can be messy. And, it takes practice. The wonderful thing about having self-compassion is that it actually allows us to be more open, to experiment, to learn, and to arrive at a place of optimism as leaders at work and home. 

One of my favorite parts of our group coaching program, Activate, is the fact that it allows you to learn from other people’s lessons, tap into a growth mindset, and have a safe space to show compassion for yourself and others, creating the optimal conditions for growth, transformation, and visionary leadership.

When you make self-compassion a focus in your thoughts and behavior you will begin to see how your life starts to change for the better. To learn more on how to create self-compassion in your life, check out our this article where we go deeper into the steps to take to move forward with self-compassion.