Confronting Your Boss: How to do it Respectfully

Confronting your boss can instill fear in anyone. It is never an easy task to talk to a superior about their behavior, but when there is a problem it can affect your work environment and how you are perceived. 

This week, I wanted to try something new and deep dive into a recent DM I received. 

You can read the full question, below. 

“How do you handle it when your manager isn’t present and engaged, therefore misses critical action items and doesn’t hold up their end of the to-do list that is necessary to move your own project forward? Is there a tactful and diplomatic way to handle that, that won’t be viewed as “pestering” them for the information that’s needed, or seen as “blaming them” or making excuses for why a deadline is missed?” Thanks in advance.

Being in a situation where you don’t feel seen and heard by your boss is tough, and over time, can negatively impact not only your job performance but mental well-being. So what should you do if you feel like your boss isn’t giving you the time and attention you need to move a project forward - especially if what’s required is urgent?

3 Tips to Confront Your Boss Respectfully

1. Start from a place of empathy when confronting your boss

Before you jump to any conclusions about how your boss is behaving, stop and ask yourself: Is this consistent? Or has this behavior recently changed? If this is a one-off situation, consider that there might be something else going on personally or professionally.

2. Convey your positive intention

If the behavior is consistent, it might be time to initiate a conversation. If you do, the best way to approach it is with positive intention.

For example, “I noticed that this part of the project isn’t finished and we are at risk of missing the deadline. The team and I are ready to go and want to meet the goal so let us know how we might step in.”

By anchoring everyone to the common goal, the conversation will become less about pointing fingers and more about acknowledgement and finding a solution moving forward.

3. Use “I notice and I wonder”

Sometimes the best way to have a conversation is by directly sharing what you’ve been experiencing and simultaneously showing care for the person.

For example, “I notice you’ve been a little less present lately, I’m wondering if you’re ok.”

While it might feel difficult to initiate a conversation like this, if you’re not honest about what you’ve been experiencing you could miss the opportunity to actually solve the problem and change the behavior.

Your Workplace Communication Questions Answered

Got leadership questions? Don’t worry - we’ve got the answers. If you’ve got your own questions, email us or DM us at @getleadology and your question might just get answered next time around!

When you’re confronting your boss from a place of empathy instead of frustration, you’ll realize it will lead to a more successful conversation. Communication is key to keeping the workplace somewhere you want to continue working in, so be open and honest from a respectful place. 

In Activate, we cover a range of tools that can help you connect more deeply with your team, your strengths, and empower you to communicate your needs with confidence.

Contact Leadology today and schedule a free strategy call to assess you and your team's unique needs