Wait… There’s a Wrong Way to Display Empathy?!
If you’ve been a regular reader (or part of our Instagram community), you’ve heard us talk about empathy before. However, what’s becoming increasingly clear through the conversations we’ve had with you, our clients, and what we’ve witnessed through out the pandemic… is that there is indeed a wrong way to display empathy.Top Empathy Related Articles:
Empathy missteps are extremely common barriers to meaningful connection both in and out of the workplace. Today, we’re going to break down three that we see most frequently among teams to spread awareness and offer a reminder to practice genuine empathy as leaders whenever we can.
Empathy is one of the most essential interpersonal skills that a leader or teammate can have, as it describes the ability to understand and share the feelings of another individual.
Despite how important empathy is to the success of one’s leadership and team as a whole, we’re all human and sometimes fall short of showcasing it at all times. Even with the best intentions, leaders make empathy mistakes more often than we realize.
To better identify these instances, let’s jump into three common empathy missteps that we come across on a regular basis, and are grounded in the research on courageous leadership by Dr. Brené' Brown:
Empathy Mistake #1: Comparing and Competing
This can manifest as simply as an employee sharing their disappointment with how they gave a presentation; but instead of really taking the time and space to hear them, you, as a leader, start comparing their experience to the time that you screwed up a presentation in front of the CEO, which means higher stakes.
While sharing experiences can be helpful when solicited, this form of comparison actually presents itself as an attempt to “one-up” the situation at hand. Typically, managers who respond in this way are trying to offer reassurance that their employee is not alone, but this angle all too often centers the conversation around them instead of how the employee can move on from here and improve.
Empathy Mistake #2: Minimizing or Avoiding
Similar to unsolicited comparison of experiences, minimizing or avoiding an issue introduced by an employee has the opposite effect. By responding with a need to cover up the messy parts of your work or interpersonal relationships in the office, this does nothing to actually address the issue at hand. Usually, when employees consult their leader in these situations, it’s to seek specific guidance or actionable coaching on how to navigate and understand it, not brush it under the rug.
Empathy Mistake #3: Giving Unsolicited Advice or Jumping to Problem Solving
In the same vein or minimizing or avoiding problems that employees bring to them, leaders who give unsolicited advice or immediately jump to problem-solving make an empathy misstep by trying to find the answer themselves (speaking of, check out this recent IG post from New Yorker Magazine that literally illustrates what we’re talking about).
While at face value, this appears to be helpful, it can actually make employees feel unheard and directionless. In our experience, it’s always better to opt for a coaching moment by stating something along these lines: “You’re on the verge of something big here. Can you walk me through what went well and what could’ve gone better?”
With such an important reminder to keep genuine empathy at the forefront of our work, we’re dying to know: what have you done to help your team leaders lead with empathy on a regular basis?
Recognize that you still have some room to grow when it comes to practicing empathy everywhere you can in the office? Our premier program Dare to Lead is perfect for leaders who are ready to equip themselves with courage-building skills through workshops, training, and coaching to transition from armored leadership to daring leadership.
Ready to learn more? Book a call with us to bring Dare to Lead into your organization and continually cultivate a work culture that centers empathy!
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